I’ve noticed lately how many times I’ve tried to force a wrong answer to be the right one, when the right one was in my face all along, if only I’d been open to it.  And with that, as always, I am reminded of how a broken “Go” button is a great opportunity to learn about myself and the world around me.  Choosing the wrong answer is a great way to learn what the right answer should have been.

A few years ago, I made friends with a woman.  Sure looked like we had a lot in common:  A love of gadgets, a desire for effective, efficient short-cuts, a perfectionist streak and high standards for what we expected and many many more valuable gifts to give each other, fearlessness in a crowd and on stage.  I felt like it was TIME for me to have a close girlfriend, so I started opening up, started getting closer.

But then?  I saw things I couldn’t live with.  A selfish side that was interested in a conversation…as long as it was about her.  She took credit for ideas I had, wrote about things as if they were original thoughts when they’d come from me.  The meta-data I got from her about how she resolved relationship issues with others, the jealously I saw in her when someone else succeeded…these patterns and tendencies weren’t things I wanted in a friend.  So I backed away.  It was hard because she was a client as well.  I tried to retreat from the friendship without damaging the business relationship.  In the end, we decided it was best to go our separate ways on both counts.

At first, I thought maybe I wasn’t meant to have girlfriends like that after all.  Close, almost daily kinds of friendships perhaps didn’t make sense for me.  So I retreated back to my networking friendships.  But then I started to make friends on Twitter, and SparkPeople, and I realized, gosh darn it, I LIKED having an almost daily friendship.  I enjoyed the comraderie and back and forth that a friendship could offer.  I wanted that.  I learned from the failed relationship that even though this wasn’t the right friend for me, friendship was something I enjoyed and was willing to spend time fostering.

And as it so often turns out, once I realized what I wanted, there it was.  Once I opened my eyes, I SAW that I already KNEW fantastic women with whom I could have magnificent friendships.

They were there all along, but I hadn’t been looking.  Maybe I couldn’t look until I’d had this other experience first.  Maybe it worked better to have that friendship so I could see the possibilities.  I know I wouldn’t have appreciated these friends as much if I hadn’t opened myself up to the concept of a close friend with the other woman.  And maybe I wouldn’t spend the time I’m spending now making sure things go right and fit if things hadn’t gone wrong with that friendship.  This previous friendship made me more aware of how important give and take is as well.

I saw this woman at a breakfast a few weeks ago.  It was an awkward moment, because more than anything, I wanted to gush with gratitude for our friendship, which opened my eyes to the possibilities of friendship.  And even more, I wanted to thank her, from the bottom of my heart, for what I learned from the failure of our friendship.

These past few months have been extremely trying for me.  And I can’t imagine where I’d be if it weren’t for my new, close friendships, friendships that fit my heart, friendships that were right there waiting to be enjoyed, friendships that probably wouldn’t have blossomed without the fertilizer of the failure of this other friendship.

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